I could say I can see everything in front right now but life is ultimately unpredictable.
I had a weird pretentious dream last night.
I dreamt that I was playing soccer and when I got a red card, like in almost every dream I have, I forced time backwards. Then, it all went blank as if I just got a concussion. I think what happened next was a bright light called out to me and said, 'You have one chance to keep your sight. And it is to help this world of blind people with their lives'
'But haven't I been doing that all my life?' I replied
'Yes you have. But what comes ahead will challenge your morality of either helping or taking advantage of these people.'
'What if I didn't want to see everything anymore? What if I wanted to be as happy as these blind people are?'
'I'm disappointed you would think this way. Don't you feel happy when you help them?' The light sighed
'I am. But I'm tired of helping without having my own personal happiness. I'm tired of calling other people's happiness as my own. I'm tired of caring so much that I can't bear to see anyone else I care about fall. I'm tired of nobody in this world appreciating me. I'm tired of making people realize the depressing truth when they could go back being blind. I'm tired of not being loved when I love with all my heart. I'm tired of seeing.' I shouted while sobbing.
A pause.
'You have changed. You used to be the bastion of logic. It's these emotions that blind you. Don't you remember how good everything was when you could see everything that would happen in the future? Think about it, happiness is not something built from some desperate emotion. It's something else. It's making them bask in the light of truth that will net you happiness in the end. What you seek requires your old logic and reason back. I should know. Because I am you.' An old figure of myself emerged from that light. It was at that point that I realized I must have been in the afterlife.
'What happens in the end?'
'You will see. Just take my word for it'
'You do realize that I'm hurting them when I make them realize the truth right?'
'Sometimes you need to hurt them to protect them.'
'Which begs the question of why can't they stay happy and blind? Even for that flicker of moment at least they were happy. You honestly think I enjoy this? You're not me. You are my future self if I was actually loved. But I'm not in this world.'
'Soon you will realize that I'm right and you should not revel in those emotions anymore. You will need to be the one that's logical to help the one you care about.'
'Who?' I muttered.
'HA! Don't pull my leg. Both of us know this is a dream so don't even bother to pretend.'
I went all OSHIT at that moment because I don't think people are supposed to know they are in a dream.
'You mean I have to forsake love for the sake of love?' I asked skeptically
'Something like that. You're close. You will know. Keep my words, or rather our words, in mind.' He replied.
He took out a gun and shot me. And I woke up. 9am in the morning.
Still puzzled wtf just happened. I pressed safari and I realized. That's pretty amazing.
Now I've been lying here for around 4 hours now. I better get off the bed and ramble on.
P.s I just realized the time of posting are fucked.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Gonna embark on a rather long adventure doing what stupid people do.
Gosh 'adventure' sounds too awfully cheerful for what lies ahead of failure.
Anyway I'll be migrating off to another website (there's like only 3?) soon cause I wanna be a female and make it look like what's next would be the next 'chapter' or some lame shit like that.
All I can say is its named after the chorus of my favourite smith's song. And it starts with 'and'. Something to do with trucks.
Its pretty easy really. The same way how its pretty freaking easy to just ask wtf am I thinking.
Although the timing of it all is just so fucked.
Time time time.
That's why I can't type shit here any more. I can't afford to spill my thoughts and emotions without affecting anybody. Especially at this time.
So its time to hide. Again.
I know its something that I shouldn't fucking do but I don't want anybody hurt other than myself. Don't worry, I promise this has nothing to do with me doing anything behind the scenes etc.
Y'know that video you showed. You wanna know why I know it'll never happen in real life?
Because you were supposed to be level 6.
Gosh 'adventure' sounds too awfully cheerful for what lies ahead of failure.
Anyway I'll be migrating off to another website (there's like only 3?) soon cause I wanna be a female and make it look like what's next would be the next 'chapter' or some lame shit like that.
All I can say is its named after the chorus of my favourite smith's song. And it starts with 'and'. Something to do with trucks.
Its pretty easy really. The same way how its pretty freaking easy to just ask wtf am I thinking.
Although the timing of it all is just so fucked.
Time time time.
That's why I can't type shit here any more. I can't afford to spill my thoughts and emotions without affecting anybody. Especially at this time.
So its time to hide. Again.
I know its something that I shouldn't fucking do but I don't want anybody hurt other than myself. Don't worry, I promise this has nothing to do with me doing anything behind the scenes etc.
Y'know that video you showed. You wanna know why I know it'll never happen in real life?
Because you were supposed to be level 6.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I was wrong.
It never ended.
I'll have to do the other thing that I'm good at.
I know what's my purpose in all this. In this current situation.
This time I'll rather face the beast alone again than anyone else.
And its not because they are weaker.
But because I'm just supposed to be this way.
I'm cursed to do this for everybody because I have to.
It never ended.
I'll have to do the other thing that I'm good at.
I know what's my purpose in all this. In this current situation.
This time I'll rather face the beast alone again than anyone else.
And its not because they are weaker.
But because I'm just supposed to be this way.
I'm cursed to do this for everybody because I have to.
done
We survived. Thank God.
This was better than I guess what all of us expected.
Erm I really can't describe in words how relieved I am.
It seemed that he didn't need saving in the first place HAHAHA
But thank God I could save her.
For once in my life, I finally had the chance to use my ability to incept ideas for good.
I finally broke that cycle.
I would like to believe I made her more logical too HAHAHA
And I would really like to believe that all this would make her happier.
This has been a heck of an experience for me. Got myself torn up and tasted the most bitter drink of life only to have the God-given strength to bounce back and save her in the end. I thought I was the one who will need to die in the end. I really did. I was afraid for what seemed to be the inevitable at the time.
Bah you could just scroll down and see in detail how wrecked I was.
This is an absolutely amazing feeling.
If this is only the first of many challenges ahead for her, then I'll always be there and prepared to swoop in again. Cause I don't think I'll ever be tired of helping.
That's if she needs help in the first place though HAHAHA
She says that I'll leave her as a friend one day
Aww man this would take a lifetime to prove her wrong. Oh well, not that its difficult anyway.
This was better than I guess what all of us expected.
Erm I really can't describe in words how relieved I am.
It seemed that he didn't need saving in the first place HAHAHA
But thank God I could save her.
For once in my life, I finally had the chance to use my ability to incept ideas for good.
I finally broke that cycle.
I would like to believe I made her more logical too HAHAHA
And I would really like to believe that all this would make her happier.
This has been a heck of an experience for me. Got myself torn up and tasted the most bitter drink of life only to have the God-given strength to bounce back and save her in the end. I thought I was the one who will need to die in the end. I really did. I was afraid for what seemed to be the inevitable at the time.
Bah you could just scroll down and see in detail how wrecked I was.
This is an absolutely amazing feeling.
If this is only the first of many challenges ahead for her, then I'll always be there and prepared to swoop in again. Cause I don't think I'll ever be tired of helping.
That's if she needs help in the first place though HAHAHA
She says that I'll leave her as a friend one day
Aww man this would take a lifetime to prove her wrong. Oh well, not that its difficult anyway.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Love
I suddenly feel so nervous
Partly due to the exams and the other half being filled with uncertainty.
Well, not EXACTLY uncertainty but maybe excitement?
It's that jittery feeling you get when you know life will get less boring from now on, no matter if it goes down the shitthole or goes up to happiness.
Exciting nevertheless.
Hmm what else happened
Was asked about relationships and I gave an opposite answer of hers. Maybe she's right, I should go get together with some random girl and experience being in a relationship first to see how it goes.
It still very confuses the heck out of me how the heck that would work out though. I don't think I'll truly fall in love with that random girl after you know wtf loves feels like. I mean I did have numerous crushes but never felt anything like this towards any of them before. Meh, too young to say anyway I mean maybe this is love (not crushing) and maybe its not. Only time will tell.
Which makes me think about the whole thing of how do you actually define a crush. The answer that first pops into my head would be a sudden jolt of admiration and the only way to detect it would be time testing it. Normally it would be gone by a few weeks or after you leave that person for a long period of time OR you find out more about them and they are not what you thought they were (Shandy, Cheryl, Emily, Faith to a certain degree when I was P6 HAHAHAHA). Sooo lets test that theory out to my current situation.
Erm...
NO WUT NO!
Shit, if I wanted to prove its not a crush then I need a new definition. WHICH I WILL FIND BY TYPING EVERYTHING THAT COMES TO MY HEAD NOW
Maybe its something about that sudden interest of the kind of character that your crush has and it is something foreign to you.
CASE AND POINT.
Before I met Emily (PRIMARY 4), I've never met anybody else that was as spunky as her. I MEAN I WAS IN SUCH A FREAKING STERILE SCHOOL FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. But after I met my p6 class, that crush of her faded away.
/checks
FUCK NO.
That's not it! As I said before (somewhere), loving someone is something you can't freaking describe. You can't outright point out the characteristics of why you love him/her. EXAMPLE (not based on a real person) I LOVE HER BECAUSE SHE'S SPORTY. I think love goes BEYOND that.
Like you'll grow to appreciate his/her weaknesses. Thus the answer to why you love somebody should be (logically, going by my theory) 'everything'
Meh, I'm sounding extremely naive again.
(OOOO SIDETRACK FROM THE CRUSH THEORY FINDING)
This brings us (or rather, me) to another question brought forward of compromising in a relationship. () says that both sides have to compromise in a relationship for it to sustain and grow while I retort by saying that why compromise when you can find someone you can be yourself with?
Then the argument of does that mean all the bad habits stay like needing constant attention etc. WHIIIICHH I admit to saying I don't have an answer to. Although the conclusion to the whole freaking question is that people compromise in a relationship for the better.
Hence, I'll reforge my theory (hopefully she doesn't see this cause this might be subject to deeper refining)
People should be themselves in a relationship. Yeah compromises has to be made but a line has to be drawn somewhere down the road! I mean it's probably fucking tiring to not be yourself after a while. I guess it's wrong to use the word 'sacrifice' or 'compromise' in the first place because I'll rather think of it as 'helping' or 'learning'.
I mean lemme illustrate an example
x is a guy who is freaking erratic and cannot think for others
y is a girl who shares those characteristics.
They get into a relationship
Initially, x being x, he does not think about the needs of y
and y does not care about x
Obviously both of them can compromise for each other and help each other but it would obviously be extremely ineffective and tiring since they don't have an example to learn off on.
HENCE, why not x and y wait for somebody else who is able to not compromise around them and be a pillar to their bad habits. Wouldn't it be an even more effective relationship?
Shit that example suck without using real life examples.
Damn it, my point is that there are better options out there. Just have to wait or heck, maybe he/she is already there.
WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT
FUCK I JUST FOUND OUT ANOTHER DEFINITION OF LOVE.
It's as if everything fits like a glove with that person OR in cheesy terms, the space between my fingers are a perfect fit for her fingers etc etc
Bah love can mean a million of things.
OK SO LET'S SAY THAT I LIKE THIS GUY/GIRL SO WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM/HER?
(It's still part of my argument of not needing to compromising in a relationship)
HMMM THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION BILLY (shoutouts to wowcrendor)
Keeping in mind the theories of A: learning off each other and B: not having to compromise, you should go into a relationship because you wanna learn off him/her to be a better person since yeah, I guess we do learn better when we're in a relationship or you spend the rest of your life with him/her happily a.k.a not compromising a.k.a you wanna marry that girl/guy.
If you go into a relationship because of A then you most probably should make sure he's/she's a pillar etc etc and he/she thinks you are a pillar to him/her (HENCE THE FIT LIKE A GLOVE DESCRIPTION OF LOVE).
Of course, there's always other factors like shit just won't work out etc etc and these theories are not very specific but rather in a general perspective of the logical reasons of why you should be in a relationship.
If I did type out what exactly were the factors and what are exceptions to that factor then it would most probably take a whole few chunk of text. SOOO THAT'S FOR ANOTHER DAY.
FFS I'VE BEEN TYPING SINCE 1AM AND ITS 3AM NOW.
We really should not have done that HAHAHA
ANYWAY, to briefly summarise the exceptions etc. One thing, it has to be proven that it would not a problem. In other words, actually knowing that person before you consider getting together with him/her.
Like if its proven to be alright then why not try?
Hence, to accommodate her theory of relationships being trail and error and my theory of you should not get into a relationship that might go fucked and hurt in the end, where's the harm in trying especially when its highly likely after you know that freaking person and everything will work out?
There's always a chance of it going shitty too but the reward outweighs the risk! (rewards remain the same or higher but risk would be definitely lower)
WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THE RISK PART. I mean its easier to live on a loveless heart than a broken one.
ERGO, there are better options out there.
HAHAHA just realize I would make the worst dad possible.
"YOU MAY NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY, BUT MAKE SURE ITS LOGICAL"
Shit was just reminded of the dumb term of something like it's better to love than not love at all.
F THAT SHIT. It ain't logical.
WHICH SOMEHOW FINALLY LEADS ME TO WHY YOU ARE READING THIS.
It's what is necessary for all of us in the end. I can sense a slither of temptation in her (not of me obviously) so I'm still a tad worried about her. But when it comes, it comes. I'll be there no matter what, for the both of you.
YOU (the other one), STOP LAUGHING! :/
OH WAIT NO.
I think it's not about it coming. It's about him saying it and everything following after that.
I think it will boil down to that.
Aww man there's still so much more I wanna type and say. BUT DAMMIT ITS 3.30AM
I wanna talk about how I've found another actually living matthaeus and how I'm amazed by this particular being.
Or about maturity, age, thinking etc etc
Or about my aide project
Or more deeply into love like stuff in the long run etc
Or about analysing dumbasses doing dumb things
Or about how I'm worried about other people other than the two of you. Like her lesbian partner and the one with a beautiful soul.
Or about how everything is done with a purpose and once you realize that fact your life is screwed
Or about morality
Or about life like the purpose of life etc
Or about how I'm feeling about love
Soooo idk. The holidays are coming and I'll have plenty of time to type and think about all those stuff.
I would tell you to stick around but unless you want to get insight into a twisted and tortured mind, you should just live your life peacefully since the whole initial purpose of reading my blog will be soon gone.
subtlety.
Finally just wanna say that I really wanna thank that someone for making my life much much happier.
Just glad you got cured of your body clock thing and is not freaking typing an essay to make yourself sleepy.
OR ARE YOU DOING THIS TOO?
HAHAHA I don't know.
Hopefully I'll dream about something interesting.
Partly due to the exams and the other half being filled with uncertainty.
Well, not EXACTLY uncertainty but maybe excitement?
It's that jittery feeling you get when you know life will get less boring from now on, no matter if it goes down the shitthole or goes up to happiness.
Exciting nevertheless.
Hmm what else happened
Was asked about relationships and I gave an opposite answer of hers. Maybe she's right, I should go get together with some random girl and experience being in a relationship first to see how it goes.
It still very confuses the heck out of me how the heck that would work out though. I don't think I'll truly fall in love with that random girl after you know wtf loves feels like. I mean I did have numerous crushes but never felt anything like this towards any of them before. Meh, too young to say anyway I mean maybe this is love (not crushing) and maybe its not. Only time will tell.
Which makes me think about the whole thing of how do you actually define a crush. The answer that first pops into my head would be a sudden jolt of admiration and the only way to detect it would be time testing it. Normally it would be gone by a few weeks or after you leave that person for a long period of time OR you find out more about them and they are not what you thought they were (Shandy, Cheryl, Emily, Faith to a certain degree when I was P6 HAHAHAHA). Sooo lets test that theory out to my current situation.
Erm...
NO WUT NO!
Shit, if I wanted to prove its not a crush then I need a new definition. WHICH I WILL FIND BY TYPING EVERYTHING THAT COMES TO MY HEAD NOW
Maybe its something about that sudden interest of the kind of character that your crush has and it is something foreign to you.
CASE AND POINT.
Before I met Emily (PRIMARY 4), I've never met anybody else that was as spunky as her. I MEAN I WAS IN SUCH A FREAKING STERILE SCHOOL FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. But after I met my p6 class, that crush of her faded away.
/checks
FUCK NO.
That's not it! As I said before (somewhere), loving someone is something you can't freaking describe. You can't outright point out the characteristics of why you love him/her. EXAMPLE (not based on a real person) I LOVE HER BECAUSE SHE'S SPORTY. I think love goes BEYOND that.
Like you'll grow to appreciate his/her weaknesses. Thus the answer to why you love somebody should be (logically, going by my theory) 'everything'
Meh, I'm sounding extremely naive again.
(OOOO SIDETRACK FROM THE CRUSH THEORY FINDING)
This brings us (or rather, me) to another question brought forward of compromising in a relationship. () says that both sides have to compromise in a relationship for it to sustain and grow while I retort by saying that why compromise when you can find someone you can be yourself with?
Then the argument of does that mean all the bad habits stay like needing constant attention etc. WHIIIICHH I admit to saying I don't have an answer to. Although the conclusion to the whole freaking question is that people compromise in a relationship for the better.
Hence, I'll reforge my theory (hopefully she doesn't see this cause this might be subject to deeper refining)
People should be themselves in a relationship. Yeah compromises has to be made but a line has to be drawn somewhere down the road! I mean it's probably fucking tiring to not be yourself after a while. I guess it's wrong to use the word 'sacrifice' or 'compromise' in the first place because I'll rather think of it as 'helping' or 'learning'.
I mean lemme illustrate an example
x is a guy who is freaking erratic and cannot think for others
y is a girl who shares those characteristics.
They get into a relationship
Initially, x being x, he does not think about the needs of y
and y does not care about x
Obviously both of them can compromise for each other and help each other but it would obviously be extremely ineffective and tiring since they don't have an example to learn off on.
HENCE, why not x and y wait for somebody else who is able to not compromise around them and be a pillar to their bad habits. Wouldn't it be an even more effective relationship?
Shit that example suck without using real life examples.
Damn it, my point is that there are better options out there. Just have to wait or heck, maybe he/she is already there.
WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT
FUCK I JUST FOUND OUT ANOTHER DEFINITION OF LOVE.
It's as if everything fits like a glove with that person OR in cheesy terms, the space between my fingers are a perfect fit for her fingers etc etc
Bah love can mean a million of things.
OK SO LET'S SAY THAT I LIKE THIS GUY/GIRL SO WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM/HER?
(It's still part of my argument of not needing to compromising in a relationship)
HMMM THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION BILLY (shoutouts to wowcrendor)
Keeping in mind the theories of A: learning off each other and B: not having to compromise, you should go into a relationship because you wanna learn off him/her to be a better person since yeah, I guess we do learn better when we're in a relationship or you spend the rest of your life with him/her happily a.k.a not compromising a.k.a you wanna marry that girl/guy.
If you go into a relationship because of A then you most probably should make sure he's/she's a pillar etc etc and he/she thinks you are a pillar to him/her (HENCE THE FIT LIKE A GLOVE DESCRIPTION OF LOVE).
Of course, there's always other factors like shit just won't work out etc etc and these theories are not very specific but rather in a general perspective of the logical reasons of why you should be in a relationship.
If I did type out what exactly were the factors and what are exceptions to that factor then it would most probably take a whole few chunk of text. SOOO THAT'S FOR ANOTHER DAY.
FFS I'VE BEEN TYPING SINCE 1AM AND ITS 3AM NOW.
We really should not have done that HAHAHA
ANYWAY, to briefly summarise the exceptions etc. One thing, it has to be proven that it would not a problem. In other words, actually knowing that person before you consider getting together with him/her.
Like if its proven to be alright then why not try?
Hence, to accommodate her theory of relationships being trail and error and my theory of you should not get into a relationship that might go fucked and hurt in the end, where's the harm in trying especially when its highly likely after you know that freaking person and everything will work out?
There's always a chance of it going shitty too but the reward outweighs the risk! (rewards remain the same or higher but risk would be definitely lower)
WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THE RISK PART. I mean its easier to live on a loveless heart than a broken one.
ERGO, there are better options out there.
HAHAHA just realize I would make the worst dad possible.
"YOU MAY NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY, BUT MAKE SURE ITS LOGICAL"
Shit was just reminded of the dumb term of something like it's better to love than not love at all.
F THAT SHIT. It ain't logical.
WHICH SOMEHOW FINALLY LEADS ME TO WHY YOU ARE READING THIS.
It's what is necessary for all of us in the end. I can sense a slither of temptation in her (not of me obviously) so I'm still a tad worried about her. But when it comes, it comes. I'll be there no matter what, for the both of you.
YOU (the other one), STOP LAUGHING! :/
OH WAIT NO.
I think it's not about it coming. It's about him saying it and everything following after that.
I think it will boil down to that.
Aww man there's still so much more I wanna type and say. BUT DAMMIT ITS 3.30AM
I wanna talk about how I've found another actually living matthaeus and how I'm amazed by this particular being.
Or about maturity, age, thinking etc etc
Or about my aide project
Or more deeply into love like stuff in the long run etc
Or about analysing dumbasses doing dumb things
Or about how I'm worried about other people other than the two of you. Like her lesbian partner and the one with a beautiful soul.
Or about how everything is done with a purpose and once you realize that fact your life is screwed
Or about morality
Or about life like the purpose of life etc
Or about how I'm feeling about love
Soooo idk. The holidays are coming and I'll have plenty of time to type and think about all those stuff.
I would tell you to stick around but unless you want to get insight into a twisted and tortured mind, you should just live your life peacefully since the whole initial purpose of reading my blog will be soon gone.
subtlety.
Finally just wanna say that I really wanna thank that someone for making my life much much happier.
Just glad you got cured of your body clock thing and is not freaking typing an essay to make yourself sleepy.
OR ARE YOU DOING THIS TOO?
HAHAHA I don't know.
Hopefully I'll dream about something interesting.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Sometimes all you want to do in life is to shout 'IM RIGHT HEREEE AND I MOST PROBABLY AM YOUR SOLUTION' whenever you hear other people's sorrow.
But nahhh. I still can't do that yet.
Kinda feel like Scott Pilgrim in a way.
Anyway back to the regular pondering aloud..
I've been wondering a lot about why the fuck do people get into a relationship anyway; to get 'together'. I mean it hurts more than anything right? Why can't y'all just stay friends?
Is it because of the pride? Feel proud to go all YEAAAAAAAAH I GOT THIS GUY/GAL SO BE FREAKING JEALOUS OF ME?
How is it not possible to love a friend as much as you would love a lover? I mean it IS possible so WTF IS THE POINT OF HAVING A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND THEN?
I guess people have forgotten the 'friend' part of girlfriend/boyfriend. Like you can't just go all SHIT THIS GIRL IS (insert positives here) AND I'LL MAKE HER MAI GIRLFRIEND! What I'm trying to say is that it has to be something err magical?
I don't know. I never really got how all these stupid humans fully operated anyway.
But nah. It's like what I said before - Love is now a cheapened commodity. Love will soon substitute the word sorrow if this continues.
This may sound naive but I really think love is that magical thing that you can't explain. Which makes sense especially if you ask any happy couple what is it that they like about each other, and the answer would be either 'everything' and or 'I don't know'. All I can say is that love is kinda selfless - no matter what happens, what has happened, weaknesses etc, your devotion (for the lack of a better word) to him/her would be unshakable. I know that part of love is true mostly cause I fucking feel it. Oh shit I remember saying something like "being there for somebody when he/she needs you to be" soooo throw that in to the list too.
Bah it's either I'm freaking naive and too entrapped in my own thoughts (arrogant) or I unlocked the whole meaning of love
/zen
With the former being ridiculously possible.
Cause then the question of "how the fuck do you know if you lied to yourself that you're in love" comes up.
Answer: time.
Oh shit the drink has spoken.
I know why people get into a relationship even though you can remain the same as friends etc etc.
But the answer shall be given when the time is right.
Speaking of which..
I think she's ready. It's coming. I hope everything will go fine during and after that. Ironic how hate would be the most productive emotion that I hope will be generated. Mostly cause I know how to help people deal with it.
I just have that selfish fear that it'll be my turn to get fucked by life again even though it seems like it would have nothing to do with me.
Fucking nervous.
OH SHIT well okay /momentofclarity
I know how to make things hurt less for everybody now.
But first, exams.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, I kinda know where she's coming from. Especially since its pretty much 2006 - 2007 for me.
Bad times.
Horrible times.
And I'm seeing someone relive those times right in front of my eyes.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
But nahhh. I still can't do that yet.
Kinda feel like Scott Pilgrim in a way.
Anyway back to the regular pondering aloud..
I've been wondering a lot about why the fuck do people get into a relationship anyway; to get 'together'. I mean it hurts more than anything right? Why can't y'all just stay friends?
Is it because of the pride? Feel proud to go all YEAAAAAAAAH I GOT THIS GUY/GAL SO BE FREAKING JEALOUS OF ME?
How is it not possible to love a friend as much as you would love a lover? I mean it IS possible so WTF IS THE POINT OF HAVING A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND THEN?
I guess people have forgotten the 'friend' part of girlfriend/boyfriend. Like you can't just go all SHIT THIS GIRL IS (insert positives here) AND I'LL MAKE HER MAI GIRLFRIEND! What I'm trying to say is that it has to be something err magical?
I don't know. I never really got how all these stupid humans fully operated anyway.
But nah. It's like what I said before - Love is now a cheapened commodity. Love will soon substitute the word sorrow if this continues.
This may sound naive but I really think love is that magical thing that you can't explain. Which makes sense especially if you ask any happy couple what is it that they like about each other, and the answer would be either 'everything' and or 'I don't know'. All I can say is that love is kinda selfless - no matter what happens, what has happened, weaknesses etc, your devotion (for the lack of a better word) to him/her would be unshakable. I know that part of love is true mostly cause I fucking feel it. Oh shit I remember saying something like "being there for somebody when he/she needs you to be" soooo throw that in to the list too.
Bah it's either I'm freaking naive and too entrapped in my own thoughts (arrogant) or I unlocked the whole meaning of love
/zen
With the former being ridiculously possible.
Cause then the question of "how the fuck do you know if you lied to yourself that you're in love" comes up.
Answer: time.
Oh shit the drink has spoken.
I know why people get into a relationship even though you can remain the same as friends etc etc.
But the answer shall be given when the time is right.
Speaking of which..
I think she's ready. It's coming. I hope everything will go fine during and after that. Ironic how hate would be the most productive emotion that I hope will be generated. Mostly cause I know how to help people deal with it.
I just have that selfish fear that it'll be my turn to get fucked by life again even though it seems like it would have nothing to do with me.
Fucking nervous.
OH SHIT well okay /momentofclarity
I know how to make things hurt less for everybody now.
But first, exams.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, I kinda know where she's coming from. Especially since its pretty much 2006 - 2007 for me.
Bad times.
Horrible times.
And I'm seeing someone relive those times right in front of my eyes.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
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