Love

I suddenly feel so nervous

Partly due to the exams and the other half being filled with uncertainty.

Well, not EXACTLY uncertainty but maybe excitement?

It's that jittery feeling you get when you know life will get less boring from now on, no matter if it goes down the shitthole or goes up to happiness.

Exciting nevertheless.

Hmm what else happened

Was asked about relationships and I gave an opposite answer of hers. Maybe she's right, I should go get together with some random girl and experience being in a relationship first to see how it goes.

It still very confuses the heck out of me how the heck that would work out though. I don't think I'll truly fall in love with that random girl after you know wtf loves feels like. I mean I did have numerous crushes but never felt anything like this towards any of them before. Meh, too young to say anyway I mean maybe this is love (not crushing) and maybe its not. Only time will tell.

Which makes me think about the whole thing of how do you actually define a crush. The answer that first pops into my head would be a sudden jolt of admiration and the only way to detect it would be time testing it. Normally it would be gone by a few weeks or after you leave that person for a long period of time OR you find out more about them and they are not what you thought they were (Shandy, Cheryl, Emily, Faith to a certain degree when I was P6 HAHAHAHA). Sooo lets test that theory out to my current situation.

Erm...

NO WUT NO!

Shit, if I wanted to prove its not a crush then I need a new definition. WHICH I WILL FIND BY TYPING EVERYTHING THAT COMES TO MY HEAD NOW

Maybe its something about that sudden interest of the kind of character that your crush has and it is something foreign to you.

CASE AND POINT.

Before I met Emily (PRIMARY 4), I've never met anybody else that was as spunky as her. I MEAN I WAS IN SUCH A FREAKING STERILE SCHOOL FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. But after I met my p6 class, that crush of her faded away.

/checks

FUCK NO.

That's not it! As I said before (somewhere), loving someone is something you can't freaking describe. You can't outright point out the characteristics of why you love him/her. EXAMPLE (not based on a real person) I LOVE HER BECAUSE SHE'S SPORTY. I think love goes BEYOND that.

Like you'll grow to appreciate his/her weaknesses. Thus the answer to why you love somebody should be (logically, going by my theory) 'everything'

Meh, I'm sounding extremely naive again.

(OOOO SIDETRACK FROM THE CRUSH THEORY FINDING)

This brings us (or rather, me) to another question brought forward of compromising in a relationship. () says that both sides have to compromise in a relationship for it to sustain and grow while I retort by saying that why compromise when you can find someone you can be yourself with?

Then the argument of does that mean all the bad habits stay like needing constant attention etc. WHIIIICHH I admit to saying I don't have an answer to. Although the conclusion to the whole freaking question is that people compromise in a relationship for the better.

Hence, I'll reforge my theory (hopefully she doesn't see this cause this might be subject to deeper refining)

People should be themselves in a relationship. Yeah compromises has to be made but a line has to be drawn somewhere down the road! I mean it's probably fucking tiring to not be yourself after a while. I guess it's wrong to use the word 'sacrifice' or 'compromise' in the first place because I'll rather think of it as 'helping' or 'learning'.

I mean lemme illustrate an example

x is a guy who is freaking erratic and cannot think for others
y is a girl who shares those characteristics.

They get into a relationship
Initially, x being x, he does not think about the needs of y
and y does not care about x

Obviously both of them can compromise for each other and help each other but it would obviously be extremely ineffective and tiring since they don't have an example to learn off on.

HENCE, why not x and y wait for somebody else who is able to not compromise around them and be a pillar to their bad habits. Wouldn't it be an even more effective relationship?

Shit that example suck without using real life examples.


Damn it, my point is that there are better options out there. Just have to wait or heck, maybe he/she is already there.

WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT

FUCK I JUST FOUND OUT ANOTHER DEFINITION OF LOVE.

It's as if everything fits like a glove with that person OR in cheesy terms, the space between my fingers are a perfect fit for her fingers etc etc

Bah love can mean a million of things.

OK SO LET'S SAY THAT I LIKE THIS GUY/GIRL SO WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM/HER?

(It's still part of my argument of not needing to compromising in a relationship)

HMMM THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION BILLY (shoutouts to wowcrendor)

Keeping in mind the theories of A: learning off each other and B: not having to compromise, you should go into a relationship because you wanna learn off him/her to be a better person since yeah, I guess we do learn better when we're in a relationship or you spend the rest of your life with him/her happily a.k.a not compromising a.k.a you wanna marry that girl/guy.

If you go into a relationship because of A then you most probably should make sure he's/she's a pillar etc etc and he/she thinks you are a pillar to him/her (HENCE THE FIT LIKE A GLOVE DESCRIPTION OF LOVE).

Of course, there's always other factors like shit just won't work out etc etc and these theories are not very specific but rather in a general perspective of the logical reasons of why you should be in a relationship.

If I did type out what exactly were the factors and what are exceptions to that factor then it would most probably take a whole few chunk of text. SOOO THAT'S FOR ANOTHER DAY.

FFS I'VE BEEN TYPING SINCE 1AM AND ITS 3AM NOW.

We really should not have done that HAHAHA

ANYWAY, to briefly summarise the exceptions etc. One thing, it has to be proven that it would not a problem. In other words, actually knowing that person before you consider getting together with him/her.

Like if its proven to be alright then why not try?

Hence, to accommodate her theory of relationships being trail and error and my theory of you should not get into a relationship that might go fucked and hurt in the end, where's the harm in trying especially when its highly likely after you know that freaking person and everything will work out?

There's always a chance of it going shitty too but the reward outweighs the risk! (rewards remain the same or higher but risk would be definitely lower)

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THE RISK PART. I mean its easier to live on a loveless heart than a broken one.

ERGO, there are better options out there.

HAHAHA just realize I would make the worst dad possible.

"YOU MAY NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY, BUT MAKE SURE ITS LOGICAL"

Shit was just reminded of the dumb term of something like it's better to love than not love at all.

F THAT SHIT. It ain't logical.

WHICH SOMEHOW FINALLY LEADS ME TO WHY YOU ARE READING THIS.

It's what is necessary for all of us in the end. I can sense a slither of temptation in her (not of me obviously) so I'm still a tad worried about her. But when it comes, it comes. I'll be there no matter what, for the both of you.

YOU (the other one), STOP LAUGHING! :/

OH WAIT NO.

I think it's not about it coming. It's about him saying it and everything following after that.

I think it will boil down to that.

Aww man there's still so much more I wanna type and say. BUT DAMMIT ITS 3.30AM

I wanna talk about how I've found another actually living matthaeus and how I'm amazed by this particular being.

Or about maturity, age, thinking etc etc

Or about my aide project

Or more deeply into love like stuff in the long run etc

Or about analysing dumbasses doing dumb things

Or about how I'm worried about other people other than the two of you. Like her lesbian partner and the one with a beautiful soul.

Or about how everything is done with a purpose and once you realize that fact your life is screwed

Or about morality

Or about life like the purpose of life etc

Or about how I'm feeling about love

Soooo idk. The holidays are coming and I'll have plenty of time to type and think about all those stuff.

I would tell you to stick around but unless you want to get insight into a twisted and tortured mind, you should just live your life peacefully since the whole initial purpose of reading my blog will be soon gone.

subtlety.

Finally just wanna say that I really wanna thank that someone for making my life much much happier.

Just glad you got cured of your body clock thing and is not freaking typing an essay to make yourself sleepy.

OR ARE YOU DOING THIS TOO?

HAHAHA I don't know.

Hopefully I'll dream about something interesting.